There I was all alone. I had been divorced for two years now, in my early 50's and pretty much feeling like I would be alone the rest of my life. I had been totally unable to connect with anybody that I wanted to spend any time with at all. Feeling a bit desperate, like many women that I know, I turned to online dating as a solution. I had always assumed that internet dating was something that just younger people did, so I really did not expect very much. Like I said, I was desperate and could not think of anything else to try. I actually was not even going to try online dating, but my friends and sisters sort of twisted my arm to do it. One of my friends warned me not to say anything about where I lived or worked and to not put any personal contact information into my profile, so heeding her advice, I proceeded. I am a klutz with computers, so I had a friend actually upload my picture. As I watched her do it, I realized how stupid I had been. It was so easy a child could have done it. But I guess you just have to live and learn. So once I was finished with all of that, I pretty much just waited. I was not expecting much. While I was waiting, I did spend some time checking out the guys on the site. I was pleased to see that there were a fair amount of them my age. That surprised me because I expected to just see younger guys. So much for my assumptions.
The next day, when I logged in I had ten email messages in my inbox. All were introductions from guys my age. A couple of them even looked interesting, so I replied to them and sent my regrets to the rest. From that point on I was on the site multiple times a day interacting with a lot of different men. It was pretty heady. A lot of them were pretty oafish, but I just blocked them so they could not talk to me anymore. What a great feature that is! As I got further into it, I decided that there were a few guys that I wanted to meet in person. Chatting and emailing online is one thing, but you need to meet to know if there is any real chemistry between you. I used a restaurant a few blocks from where I worked as my rendezvous. I felt safe there, knew most of the staff, and knew they would help me if there was any issues. With all the e-mails, messages, in person meetings and phone calls I was exhausted.But I forced myself to stick it out. I wasn’t sure how long I could keep this pace up, but I was determined that after a twenty year relationship that ended two years ago I was not going to spend the rest of my life alone.
I had spent much of my life being in a long term relationship and I wanted that feeling of stability in my life again. I noticed that even though I was still talking to several men, one of them seemed to be on my mind continuously. His profile showed that he was not self absorbed and it was very well written. Articulate but concise. He said that he believed in equality for women and that he was in touch with his feminine side. At first I thought he was gay, but that was not the case at all. He was just a very empathic person who cared about everybody. He could not stand that fact that some people treated women like second class citizens. In fact, he took it as a personal affront. He stated that he had worked in Europe for quite a few years, but had recently been transferred to the home office in our city.
Since I loved Europe, and had been there many times on vacation, and also loved most winter sports as he did, we seemed to have a lot in common that we could talk about. His profile had no picture on it, so at no point in our early interactions was I chasing a pretty face. It was his communication ability and points of view that won my respect. When he later emailed me a picture of himself, I was not disappointed. I didn’t want him to call me. I thought that would be giving out too much information. As a compromise, I informed him through an e-mail that I would call him. At first I was too nervous to call him after he gave me his number. But after reflecting on the silliness of it all, I finally got up the gumption to call. It changed my life.
“He was fantastic, charming so sweet and such a gentleman. He was just so amazing. In real life he was even better than online. So sweet, and always a gentleman. He turned out to be an incredibly sweet and charming guy. Always a gentleman. We made arrangements to meet at a very nice restaurant, I arrived first and sat at the table starring at the door, crossing my fingers that I was not going to regret this. As I sat there waiting, my eyes were attracted to this totally sexy guy who walked through the door. He looked familiar to me somehow. Then I gasped in surprised as I realized it was my date. I managed to wipe the drool off my face by the time he got to the table. He was tall and slim. Dark hair with just a touch of grey at the temples. His suit fit him like a glove. What a picture. We were just so comfortable as we talked over lunch. I didn't want it to ever end. It was too bad that we were only planning a meal together. The time was going by too fast. We left after he paid the bill. I noticed that he left a nice tip as well. He kissed me when we got to my house. As he drove away, I sighed. Everything was just too good to be true. The chemistry for me had been instantaneous. I already knew that he was the one.
We had several more dates after that, and it seemed that every date was better then the one before. About this time, something began to weigh on my mind. I had not been totally truthful on my profile. Some of it was just exaggeration of my likes and dislikes which was pretty minor. I was most concerned that I had shaved a few years off my age. My friends convinced me that it was a marketing exercise and that stretching the truth a bit was expected. I had not changed my age all that much, only three years. It was the principle of the thing. I had started out with a lie and I was concerned that it would end up blowing up in my face. I knew that I needed to tell him the truth, but I kept waiting for the right time to present itself.
He took me to a little club he liked for a drink one night. The waiter carded me, and from the gleam in his eye, I knew that my friend Maxwell had put him up to it. In the spirit of the moment, I pulled out my license to show him, and we all chuckled. Then Max asked if he could see my licence, without thinking I handed it to him. He said, “Holy cow, you're fifty four!” I sat their like a stunned cow. Then he just cracked up with laughter! He said, “Well I guess the joke is on me. I lied about my age too!” As it turned out he was older than he stated in his profile. It seems he's two years older than me and not two years younger. We both laughed that we had each started out with a lie.
We had been dating for several months. In the wee hours of the morning, he called me. I was startled out of a very deep sleep where I was dreaming about cavorting around with him in our mutual all-togethers. He said he needed to talk to me right now, and that It couldn’t wait. He would not tell me anything over the phone. Half an hour later he came in, sat down and said, “I have something to say to you that can't be put off any longer.” I thought to myself, “Oh God this can't be good.”
I grabbed a few kleenex from a box because I was sure this was going to be bad. I was right about the fact that I needed the tissues, but wrong about why. He sat there and told me that he had traveled to many countries and had met and dated countless women. But he had never felt a kinship with any of them until he met me. He said that after all this time, he finally found the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Then he got down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Needless to day, after some initial sobbing in happiness, I agreed!
For the last three years, since we have been married, I have been blissfully happy. When I had thought of my first marriage in the past, I wanted something as good. When I look back on it now, I realize that it had been the shell of a marriage. What I have with Max has eclipsed it in so many ways. It is like being a new bride every day. And to think I found him on an online dating site. Someplace that I had thought of as a last chance place to meet someone!
So that is the story of Max and me. It is only the beginning. Maybe I will write a followup some day. If you have negative opinions about Internet dating, you need to consider revising them. Websites that specialize in online dating are the future of meeting people. They are the one of the most amazing success stories of the Internet revolution.
Please find below a link to a dating and relationships resource site. You will find that it is well organized with links to many of the top dating sites on the Internet. There are also a lot of good tips and advice type articles as well. I wish you the best in your search!
Relationships Advice for Women